I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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