the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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