I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
