Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
