oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
