ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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