your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
