Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have fence marks all over my body
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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