I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
