I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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