dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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