yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
