so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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