Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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