i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just pee around me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
