Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
