you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
