he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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