You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
