i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
