I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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