get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
