Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
