normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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