Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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