And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
