i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
