i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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