I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
His nipple licking is glorious
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