Where did you get a picture of my penis
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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