The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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