so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
