saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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