Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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