when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
