I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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