mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
