You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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