end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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