make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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