you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
