My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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