you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
