ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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