i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
