DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
