I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
zippers are such a cool invention
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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