Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
