thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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