Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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