Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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