and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
