Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
