I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
