With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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