I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
the raccoons are back...
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