I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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