dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
