Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
