I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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