we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
